One of my most defining traits, that has endured through my life is my strong inclination toward introversion. As a child, I was more than content to spend my time alone reading, writing, playing on the computer and other solitary activities. I was often, and still often am described as being near-perpetually lost in thought. A rich inner life of contemplation has always been a part of my overall introverted character. I was never particularly social, although I could socialize when needed. While I’ve developed socially since those days, I still have a strong inclination toward solitary activities. Reading and writing are still among my favourite things to do, and many of my other hobbies, including the forms of exercise I partake in to keep fit are solitary activities, such as cycling and running. Socialising for extended periods has always been a challenge, and something that has been draining.
Every personality test, survey or quiz has underlined this clearly. I usually score somewhere around the 95th percentile for introversion – while these surveys are not exactly infalliable from a scientific perspective, it’s a clear indication which way I lean on this question nonetheless.
It should be noted that introversion is different from social anxiety, or from not knowing what to do in a social situation, despite common misconceptions. Introversion, and by contrast extroversion, primarily refers to whether socializing, and external stimuli in general, is stimulating or draining. It’s also inaccurate to say that introversion means that you don’t like people, despite this sometimes being the impression that is conveyed. I’ve been guilty of coming across aloof or indifferent to people, despite not at all meaning to on many an occasion. There are actually four types of introvert:
· Social Introvert
· Introspective Introvert
· Anxious Introvert
· Restrained Introvert
Only one of these, the anxious introvert, is about feeling uncomfortable around people. All four forms of introversion do share the trait of having a preference for solitude and from recharging by being alone.
What does it mean to live as a strongly introverted person in a world that encourages and often demands the performance of extroversion? From personal experience, it can be disorienting to say the least. Continually acting in a way that’s contrary to my nature is challenging and over long periods, quite tiring and demotivating. It’s not that I have a problem with other peoples’ preference for being more extroverted and social. I’m well aware of the fact I’m an outlier in this regard, and know that I will need to find a way to adapt, not insist the world adapt around me. Nor is it that I always want to be alone – I do genuinely enjoy socializing in one on one or with small, familiar groups of people, particularly on topics of interest. I wouldn’t voluntarily host multiple-hour Interintellect Salons if I had no desire to socialize whatsoever!
But I’m simply not wired that way, and there’s only so far outside of my innate patterns of behaviour I can go. As I grow older, the more I come to understand my need for long periods of solitude – even with the tradeoffs that come with it, including to some interpersonal relations. It’s not a rejection of people or of intimate relationships wholesale. However, I’m realizing that there’s a particular way it’ll have to happen and deviating too far from this will be a recipe for mutual dissatisfaction. In the most extreme cases, trying to force myself into an extroverted mold has over a long period resulted in maladaptive behaviours with disastrous consequences to my mental health.
Fortunately, I have a job where I have some workarounds to this issue – namely, being able to work from home part-time as well as start earlier in the morning, to get some deep work done before the rush of morning meetings. Even then, a full day of meeting and phone conversations is a big challenge.
While I’m not introverted to the extent that I would live a nocturnal life, as some of the most strongly introverted people do in order to live at a pace that suits them, working with my introverted nature is nonetheless one of the key questions that comes up when weighing up big life decisions. One of the reasons I opted ultimately to move further out into my own home, compared to an apartment closer by is for the quieter lifestyle it will provide. When it comes to work as well, being able to keep with my introverted nature is an important consideration. Fully remote-from-home work is quite appealing to me for this reason. Ultimately, whatever direction my life takes, having time and space for solitude, reflection and comtemplation will be a high priority, as it has always been.